Yo.. yo! (* eminem hachs up spit *)
Mic check.. (my dick!)
Testing.. one, two (* eminem hach-spits on mic *)
Ffff-fuck.. (my dick!) my nuts..

My attitude is worse than nwa's was
I'll battle you over stupid shit and diss people
Who ain't have shit to do with it, like cool j does (my tattoo!)
You see me standin outside of your buildin; screamin,
"puffy is good, (hey!) but slim shady is for the children!" (wait!)
I look at my life in a new light -- fuck it
Give me two mics; i write songs for me -- fuck what you like
You're probably hear me rap half-hearted; cause i don't like rap anyway
I'm just tryin to get my porno career started
Every place and event.. +been there, done that+
Shit, dre stuck me in a suitcase when he went
(* zipper sound *) "come on, let's go!"
Want a deal? study these 5 chapters
Lesson one: throw demos as hard as you can at signed rappers
Lesson two: face em and diss em (whattup dog?)
Don't give em a demo; kidnap em (i want you to come with me)
And make em come to your basement and listen
(you're gonna fuckin check this out)
Lesson three: get a job at a label; switch demos with canibus
And put yours on the owner's table (here listen!)
Lesson four: 'know you heard this before'
"hey let me get your number; i'll call you tomorrow, for sure!"
Don't act like a fan -- you wanna get signed?
Get the whitest a&r you can find
Pull him aside and rap as wack as you can
Lesson five: get a hook-up at jive
Dress up like i.c.p. and have them come see you perform live
And that's the key, but when you see me on the street; i ain't
Givin you shit bitch - don't even bother askin me (get away from me)
Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when i'm spittin
Cause i'm always shittin when i'm rappin like master p (unnnggggh!)
Got a blowjob from paula jones, and stuffed it so far in her mouth
My balls broke both of her collarbones (oww!)
Told mya this shit was all about me-ah ("it's all about me..")
Gave alyssa milano syphillis, mono and gonorrhea ("you're a dick!")
And all three of my main girls said see-ya
Cause brandy and monica walked in and caught me fuckin aaliyah
(what? oh my god!) i splish splash while i'm takin a bath
Grab a handful of pills, break em in half, take em and laugh
White trash -- fuckin your wife in the ass ("oh! ooh shady! oooh!")
While you're out siphoning gas for your lawnmower to cut the grass

So if i hurt your self-esteem
And you get dissed too bad [yo why you diss me?]
You know i just be sayin that to get you mad
And when i rap about a buncha shit you wished you had [a big dick!]
You know i just be sayin that to get you mad
"i can't listen to that song, that shit's too sad!"
You know i just be sayin that to get you mad
"he'll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad!" [nurse! nurse!]
You know i just be sayin that to get you mad

What a wonderful day; i should go outside and play
Ain't no need to sit inside the house and hibernate
Hi renee! (oh hi!) i was just about to toss a live grenade
In your driveway (what?) and drive away (* car peels out *)
Are you afraid of a blade made of a razor with aids
Blood drippin from it, rippin your stomach like a paper mache
You talk a lotta shit, but you was never ill though
I'm sick enough to beat you to death with a feather pillow
Tipped over some cows, just for a joke and a laugh (mooooo!)
Jumped up, choked a giraffe, snapped his neck and broke it in half
Wagin wars, went on stage and sprayed cage with +agent orange+
And wiped my ass with his page in source (here!)
The demon is here, steamin this year
I rip [*mystikal's*] voicebox out, scream in his ear (ahhhhhh!)
It's not a gimmick bitch, it's an image i live it
Give a fuck? i don't know what a fuck is to give it
"yeah i don't think this gu