Everytime i clean my room i make another mess
everytime i miss the bus im late for a test
everytime i'm re-incarnated its in the lowest form
i leave my window open everytime there is a storm
everytime i have a hangover i have to go to work
everytime i masturbate dry it tends to hurt
everytime i pat a dog he bites me on the hand
everytime i talk to aliens they dont understand
everytime i skate i get another bruise
everytime i get drunk i vomit on my shoes
everytime i scratch the needle jumps
everytime i drink milk it comes out in lumps
everytime i freestyle i just talk shit
everytime i catch the bus theres nowhere to sit
everytime i catch the train im hassled for a ticket
everytime i bat in cricket first ball takes a wicket
everytime im drunk at a party in a toga
i pull a damn hamstring to prove i do yoga
everytime i eat i get a pain in my chest
everytime i think its heartburn its cardiac arrest
everytime i make a call call waiting interrupts
everytime i dump a load at someones house it wont flush
everytime it wont flush it stains the ceramic
if you ever see me happy its because im manic
Doomed to fail
Everytime i give advice it comes out wrong
everytime i get raided my prints are on the bong
everytime i score i get shitty leaf
i was living with the navajo until they heard me dis the chief
cause everytime we'd smoke a joint i'd end up with the roach
everytime i skip sport i get drilled by the coach
but everytime i play footy i get tackled in the dirt
and i crack another rib and it really fucking hurts
everytime i brush my teeth i find another cavity
everytime i try to fly i discover gravity
everytime i have a craving i've run out of food
and everytime we spin the bottle im the one who ends up nude
everytime i give a girl an orgasm she fakes
everytime i jam it in the condom breaks
everytime i gamble i lose all my chips
everytime i eat all bran i get the shits
but everytime i shit it takes about an hour
and theres never any paper so i have to take a shower
and everytime i shower the towels already wet
and its not wet from water but wet with cum and sweat
everytime i pluck my pubic hair to make myself attractive
my dick gets sore and i fuck like a spastic
everytime i write a song radio stations ban it
cause when you play my records in reverse they're satanic
Worship satan
Everytime i make a joke people take me serious
everytime i go down on a girl shes on her periods
everytime i drive a car a cop will pull me over
but i say im someone else and that im sober
every blind date turns out to be blind
my looks are all i have and that is why i mind
everytime i have the dream when im at the school dance
everyone is looking at me cause i dont have any pants
then we play piggy in the middle im the pig
everytime we play tiggy im the one whos it
everytime i lick a toad i get warts on my tongue
everytime i see a killer bee its when im getting stung
everytime i play scrabble i make the word at
every wet fart leaves a stain where i sat
everytime i fuck ya mum she wants it in the bum
and everytime im done its not because ive cum
everytime i crack onto a chick i pull my sack out
everytime i try to suck my dick i put my back out
everytime i catch a wave i hit a coral reef
and everytime i order vegetarian i get beef
I get beef
a chickens not a vegetable!