Gaston:
who does she think she is? that girl has tangled with the wrong man! no one says "no" to gaston!
lefou:
heh heh. darn right.
gaston:
dismissed! rejected! publicly humiliated! why, it's more than i can bear.
lefou:
more beer?
gaston:
what for? nothing helps. i'm disgraced.
lefou:
who, you? never! gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.

Lefou:
gosh it disturbs me to see you, gaston
looking so down in the dumps
every guy here'd love to be you, gaston
even when taking your lumps
there's no man in town as admired as you
you're ev'ryone's favorite guy
ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
and it's not very hard to see why
no one's slick as gaston
no one's quick as gaston
no one's neck's as incredibly thick as gaston's
for there's no man in town half as manly
perfect, a pure paragon!
you can ask any tom, dick or stanley
and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

lefou and chorus:
no one's been like gaston
a king pin like gaston
Lefou:
no one's got a swell cleft in his chin like gaston
Gaston:
as a specimen, yes, i'm intimidating!
Lefou and chorus:
my what a guy, that gaston!
give five "hurrahs!"
give twelve "hip-hips!"

lefou:
gaston is the best
and the rest is all drips
Chorus:
no one fights like gaston
douses lights like gaston
Beerdrinker 1:
in a wrestling match nobody bites like gaston!
Bimbettes:
for there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston:
as you see i've got biceps to spare
Lefou:
not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston:
that's right!
and ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Cronies:
no one hits like gaston
Townsman:
matches wits like gaston
Lefou:
in a spitting match nobody spits like gaston
Gaston:
i'm especially good at expectorating!
ptoooie!
Cronies:
ten points for gaston!
gaston:
when i was a lad i ate four dozen eggs
ev'ry morning to help me get large
and now that i'm grown i eat five dozen eggs
so i'm roughly the size of a barge!
Cronies:
no one shoots like gaston
makes those beauts like gaston
Lefou:
then goes tromping around wearing boots like gaston
Gaston:
i use antlers in all of my decorating!
Cronies:
say it again
who's a man among men?
and then say it once more
who's the hero next door?
who's a super success?
don't you know? can't you guess?
ask his fans and his five hangers-on
there's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
Lefou:
and his name's g-a-s...t -
g-a-s-t - e -
g-a-s-t-o - oh!
cronies:
gaston!