(spoken)
good evening, i'm from essex
in case you couldn't tell
my given name is dickie,
i come from billericay
and i'm doing very well
Had a love affair with nina
in the back of my cortina
a seasoned up hyena
could not have been more obscener
she took me to the cleaners
and other misdemeanours
but i got right up between her
rum and her ribena
Well, you ask joyce and vicki
if candy-floss is sticky
i'm not a blinking thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
I bought a lot of brandy
when i was courting sandy
took eight to make her randy
and all i had was shandy
another thing with sandy
what often came in handy
was passing her a 'mandy'
she didn't half go bandy
So you ask joyce and vicki
if i ever took the mickey
i'm not a flipping thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
I'd rondez-vouez with janet
quite near the isle of thanet
she looked more like a gannet
she wasn't half a prannet
her mother tried to ban it
her father helped me plan it
and when i captured janet
she bruised her pomegranet
So you ask joyce and vicki
if i ever shaped up tricky
i'm not a blooming thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
You should never hold a candle
if you don't know where it's been
the jackpot is in the handle
on a normal fruit machine
So you ask joyce and vicki
who's their brickie
i'm not a common thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
I know a lovely old toe-rag
obliging and noblesse
kindly, charming shag
from shoeburyness
My given name is dickie
i come from billericay
i thought you'd never guess
So you ask joyce and vicki
a pair of squeaky chickies
i'm not a flaming thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
Oh golly, oh gosh come
and lie on the couch
with a nice bit of posh
from burnham-on-crouch
My given name is dickie,
i come from billericay
and i ain't a slouch
So you ask joyce and vicki
about billericay dickie
i ain't an effin' thicky
you ask joyce and vicki
and i'm doing very well